How to… fix your work life balance and save your relationship

Real men, real stories

“Lockdown”, “Furlough”, “Self Isolation”… Covid is the gift that keeps giving.

Relationships are under pressure like never before - stress, worry and physical confinement are a heady cocktail of ingredients for relationship trauma.

But, it WILL get better and then you’ll have a massive opportunity.

The New Reality

With so many men spending a lot more time at home, physically away from the regular work environment, we're in the midst of a massive upheaval and redefinition of who does what around the home.

and this includes parenting...

The world tends to assume that only mums are able to look after children and men can't do that role. It's incredibly damaging for relationships, choice and opportunity.

Men don't feel able to be anything other than "all in" for work and women struggle with trying to do everything for everyone.

At the moment the emotional and mental load are cranked up to 11 and men need to step up to the domestic plate in a way that we might not ever have had to before.

Photo credit: Matthew Rader via Unsplash @matthew_t_rader

The opportunity

But I have faith in our ability to take on those domestic roles that society doesn’t believe we can do and then we can change the entire conversation about what it means to be a dad.

We aren’t just breadwinners. We’re stand-in teachers, cooks, ironing machines and leaders and to continue the amazing benefits we’ve already experienced when we merging our work and home lives we’re going to need better work life balance.

Not just to be a hero to our kids and being there for the moments that matter, but taking on our fair share around the house.

This will be the opportunity to fix your work life balance once and for all and be the hands on, active and involved father you don’t remember growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, our dads did their best, but it that was a different time and you want to be a different type of dad.

If Covid-19 has taught us one thing, it’s that many of us don’t HAVE to be in the office to do our jobs. Technology and a can do attitude are powerful tools to create a new way of working.

A way that allows us to the type of dad you always wanted to be.

It’s time to fix your work life balance and save your relationship

⭐ You’ll need to be honest about what is truly important to you.

⭐ Learn to communicate effectively as a couple, so that everyone’s needs are met.

⭐ Understand the financial trade-offs you might need to make to ALL be happy.

⭐ Dedicate time to focusing on what is really important to your family.

Let these men Inspire You with Their real stories

1) Sean’s story

Doctor Sean and his family left London 18 months ago to escape to the country.

He made the decision to trade some professional kudos and financial reward for a life in the country, seeing his kids every night for dinner and bedtime plus most weekends. They choose to move to a part of the country where they have family close by for help and social life.

In contrast Sean’s London peers are out working all day, everyday and don’t get to see their kids.

After trying a couple of different work patterns, he and his wife have decided that the best combination of professional progress, income and family time are for Sean to work M, T, Th, F plus 3 in 4 Wednesdays and 1 in 4 Saturdays.

“This will be an income hit but I will at least be able to take the kids to school once a month and have most weekends with them.”

To support his work life balance Sean tries to work a bit smarter, allowing him to leave on time. He is also stricter with his home time - he has stopped answering emails etc out of work hours which he has found surprisingly liberating!

Challenges

“It’s difficult because I need to put the graft in now to make a name for myself, meaning more work will come my way at more convenient times, rather than working the graveyard Saturday shift.
But nothing has changed our underlying vision for how we wanted to live our lives”

2) Insight from Adam - how much money do you actually need?

Adam used to work in the Financial Services industry, he’s now part time in the building trade.

“Ian, you’ve no idea how much money I earnt two years ago, but I gave it up mate, gave it up for the kids, because wanted to spend time with them now.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t go back, but right now it matters to be there for them”

3) Will took action before it was too late

“It was Easter when I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I think it was something about always seeing darkness. I decided I couldn’t tolerate how I was living any more. I could feel the signs that it was getting too much.
The thing is I knew how bad it could get – I was an alcoholic (now 7 years clean). I didn’t want to reach rock bottom again before did something about it.”

Will’s full story is here.

4) A warning from Toby

“If there's one thing I wish we'd done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions - rather than the more off-hand comments and observations - about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.
But hey - we live and learn, eh?!”

Toby and his wife are separated and to a large extent due to a failure to sort out their work life balance.